


feeling things i've never felt

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Adult Morgan Stark, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Veterinarians, Bucky Barnes & Morgan Stark Friendship, Canon Disabled Character, Canonical Character Death, Fluff, M/M, Morgan Stark Needs a Hug (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Service Dogs, Veterinarian Steve Rogers, War Veteran Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:53:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24889444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Bucky Barnes is doing fine. Since his honorable discharge, he goes running every weekend, and he doesn't wake up screaming in the middle of the night nearly as much as he used to. He is doing perfectly fine. As long as you don't ask him or anyone else.After Tony Stark dies unexpectedly, Bucky finds himself in the companionship of Tony's lonely golden retriever. There may or may not also be a hot veterinarian involved. Bucky wishes he could write Tony a thank you letter.+(title from "beyond" by leon bridges)
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 3
Kudos: 101





	feeling things i've never felt

**Author's Note:**

> a break from our regularly scheduled mafia content for just a cute AU that i haven't been able to get out of my head.
> 
> song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELPOCJvDz3w

The truck hummed along the winding road while Bucky hummed along to the music crackling through the radio. The further he drove into the country side, the less reliable the radio signal had become. Bucky was thankful for auxiliary cords.

_don’t wanna get ahead of myself_

_feeling things i’ve never felt_

_it’s kinda hard for me to explain_

Bucky was thankful for auxiliary cords. The houses he drove by were a far cry from his own. He was renting a one bedroom cottage a block from the bookstore from a woman named Natasha and her wife, Maria. It was simple, about 1,000 square feet with navy wood paneling lining the walls. Natasha and Maria didn’t bother him, only ever showed up with a handy-man in tow if Bucky had woken up to a leaky faucet he didn’t have the patience to fix or an air-conditioner that had frozen over. It was cozy without being constricting. The houses he was passing in his pick-up were massive in a way that made him believe whoever lived out here would had to have been a doctor for the queen or something equally ridiculous. They were modern, but stately. Long, winding driveways lead up to grandiose porches and front doors. Even though no one in the neighborhood was outside, and Bucky was hidden by the tinted windows of his truck, he felt out of place in the community. Like his flannel shirt and faded jeans drew unwanted attention. He was starting to wonder if he should regret making the drive this morning.

**

"You should get a dog." The text message from Sam accompanied with a screenshot from the local animal rescue's Facebook page, of a golden retriever named Zeus.

**'Zeus' human passed away unexpectedly, and now we're looking for a new family for him to love! Please contact Morgan Stark for more information.'**

"Explain to me why you believe I need a dog." Bucky replies.

Since meeting him at a VA meeting when he came back to the states, Sam Wilson is probably the closest thing that Bucky has to a friend. Or family. Or anything at all, really.

"Delilah could use a friend, and so could you." Sam replies with a photo of his own dog.

Bucky thinks about it for awhile.

Still, maybe Sam had a point. It might be nice to have someone to accompany him on his weekend runs, or keep him company at 3:00am whenever he can’t sleep at night and is up watching re-runs of _Game of Thrones_.

Zeus has heterochromatic eyes, one a bright baby blue and the other a golden brown. He’s obviously kept well-groomed. At closer glance though, Bucky realizes that Zeus doesn’t have a tail. Not particularly uncommon for some breeds, but uncommon for golden retrievers. According to the Facebook post, he’s four years old, and is starting to gray around his eyes.

Out of curiosity, Bucky pulls up the page himself, and a video of Zeus is posted in the comments section, playing tug of war with a gray and blue braided rope with someone behind the camera. Despite the gray sprouting on his face, he still seems playful enough. Just out of his rambunctious puppy years, but enough that he could go running with Bucky in the mornings, then nap while Bucky worked his part-time shifts at Barton’s Books.

Before he can talk himself out of it, he calls the number listed for Morgan.

**

An hour and a half later, Bucky is driving up a curved driveway. At the end, it circles into a roundabout. In true rich people fashion, there’s an ornate fountain in the center of the roundabout. He feels painfully out of place as he parks the truck and steps down out of it. The fountain is empty. The house is a two-story, and aside from the eccentricity of the fountain, it looks fairly normal in comparison to the other houses on the road.

Bucky knocks twice on the right side of the dark oak double door, and then steps back, putting his hands in his pockets. A few agonizingly slow minutes pass before he hears footsteps on the other side of the door, and then it opening. He’s greeted by a woman with long brown hair.

“Hey, Morgan.” She reaches a hand towards Bucky, and he shakes with his right.

“Bucky.” He offers a small smile as she turns away from him and leads him into the house. The house is in varying stages of being packed up. Boxes are stacked by the door, but the odd frame or book are still waiting their turn. Two men are in the kitchen disassembling a grand table and wrapping the legs in bubble wrap.

“I’m very sorry about your father.” Bucky offers. On the phone with Morgan, she had told him that Zeus was her dad’s dog, and that she was trying to re-home him while she was in town settling her father’s estate before she returned to California. _‘He’s a great dog, but his home is here,’_ she had said.

Morgan shrugged her shoulders, and took a sip from a McDonald’s cup that was sitting on the kitchen island.

“Some days are easier than others, you know. I’ve pretty much reached the point where I couldn’t possibly produce more tears.” She offers a sad smile to Bucky before looking at something behind Bucky, “That was my favorite photo of us.” She points to a framed photo behind Bucky, and he turns around.

“May I?” He asks, earning a nod from Morgan before picking up the photo he presumes to be Morgan and her father.

Morgan looks to be in her mid-twenties now, and she doesn’t look to be any older than ten in the photo. She’s wearing a yellow dress, sitting on a picnic blanket in her father’s lap while he looks at her admirably in a black track suit and yellow sneakers to match Morgan’s dress. Whenever he looks at the photo, Bucky thinks the man looks familiar.

“Stark.” He begins, turning back to Morgan and handing the frame to her. “As in Tony Stark. Tony Stark was your father.”

Morgan nods, and Bucky slowly moves the hand that’s been shoved in his pocket this whole time. Morgan’s eyes look down the metal of his prosthetic arm as it glints in the light of the window, and Bucky rolls up the sleeve of his flannel.

“Stark Industries patented. Without your dad, I wouldn’t be as symmetrical as I am now.”

Morgan laughs at that and Bucky sees her smile go to her eyes for the first time. She pulls the photo out of the frame, and Bucky can see some writing on the back.

_Forever, My Morgan_

Scrawled in almost indistinguishable handwriting that would have to belong to a doctor or an inventor, and Tony Stark was one hell of an inventor.

“I’m getting this tattooed next week.” She holds the writing up to Bucky before folding the picture and putting it in the front pocket of her jeans. “This pity party’s cancelled. Let’s go meet Zeus.” Morgan wipes at her eyes and Bucky follows her out of the kitchen, happy to change the subject and to keep Morgan from being upset.

She leads him out to the sprawling back yard, and whistles. No sooner that the whistle leaves her lips, a golden cloud comes bounding towards them, trotting up to Morgan and inserting itself between her and Bucky.

“Hey, Zeusy. This is Bucky.”

Bucky gets down on his knees, and reaches his flesh hand out to Zeus, who sniffs it and then immediately begins showering it in dog kisses. This brings a smile to Bucky’s face and he rubs Zeus’ head.

“Why don’t you two get to know each other? I have to finish packing this place up. If you want him, he’s yours, I just want him in a good home.”

“He definitely would have a good home with me. Do you need any help packing?”

Morgan shakes her head and gestures to the two men in the kitchen.

“What good’s your dad’s money if you can’t hire movers?” She turns and goes back inside, leaving Bucky and Zeus to get to know each other.

When Morgan leaves, Zeus runs in the opposite direction to the edge of the yard, bringing a rope back to Bucky that he recognizes from the Facebook page, and laying it at his feet.

Bucky brandishes his metal hand from his pocket to reach for it, and Zeus jumps back. This causes something in Bucky’s heart to hurt. It makes him feel like the monster he knows he is. Half-man, half-machine, and not really fantastic at being either of them.

Before Bucky can pull the hand away from him, Zeus inches towards it, curious. He sniffs at Bucky’s metal hand, and Bucky realizes he’s holding his breath. After a few seconds of Zeus investigating, he just noses the rope back towards Bucky’s boots.

This bring’s a smile to Bucky’s face.

**

The first few days of Zeus being home with Bucky feels like a new roommate moved in. Morgan calls every day to ask how he’s doing, but Bucky also feels like it’s a distraction from her. He doesn’t ask about anything surrounding Tony unless Morgan brings it up first, and then it’s usually just comforting words.

On the third night of Zeus being home with him, Bucky dreams of army tanks and IED’s. He wakes up at 5am in a panic, and Zeus looks up from his spot at the end of Bucky’s bed, not moving any closer until Bucky calls for him. Zeus stretches, then crawls up to the pillows and curls into Bucky’s side.

He has tired eyes, but he doesn’t take them off Bucky. Bucky drains what’s left of the glass of water sitting on his night stand, then carefully removes himself from Zeus before walking to the kitchen and refilling it.

He drains the second glass and places it in the sink, then walks back to his bedroom. When he slides back into bed, he feels an ache in the shoulder of his metal arm, and thinks about starting PT again.

Thinking about this makes him think how he hasn’t gotten a vet for Zeus yet. He takes his phone from his nightstand, and composes a message to Morgan, opting to email her instead of texting in case the notification would wake her up.

_Hey, Morgan. I was wondering if you knew what vet your dad took Zeus to?_

_Haven’t had any issues yet, but I don’t want to be scrambling if I do._

_Take Care, Bucky_

Bucky turns on Netflix while Zeus falls back to sleep, settling in with an episode of _Nailed It_.

Twenty minutes into the episode, Bucky’s phone flashes an email notification from Morgan. He doesn’t ask her why she’s up this early because he’s sure he knows the answer, but she sends him a photo of a business card for a veterinary office that Bucky recognizes as one he passes on his way to the bookstore.

He watches two seasons of _Nailed It_ while Zeus sleeps. When the sun rises, so does Zeus, like clock work. He jumps down off Bucky’s bed and sits at the bedroom door until Bucky gets out of bed, and pulls on his sweats and running shoes.

“I know, buddy. We’re going.” He pulls a hoodie over his head and tries to shake the tiredness away. It’s the type of tiredness where he doesn’t feel sleepy, just particularly drained. Unfortunately, it’s nothing new.

After their walk, Bucky fills Zeus' bowl in the kitchen and goes to shower while Zeus eats his breakfast. When Bucky gets out of the shower, his phone reads 8:00am. The vet is open, and in walk-in hours.

Since it’s just a visit to establish care, and establish Bucky as Zeus’ new owner, he can’t imagine it will take that long. He pours himself coffee from the refrigerator while Zeus finishes eating, then they walk out to the truck where Zeus jumps up next to Bucky in the cab.

**

Life is unfair. Really unfair. Like when you lose your entire left arm, or the veterinarian for your faux service dog is too good looking.

Dr. Rogers has a head of golden blonde hair, and his stethoscope hangs over broad shoulders. When he knocks and comes into the exam room, Bucky looks up from the conversation he’s having with Morgan about flower arrangements and tries not to let his jaw drop.

“Hi, Steve Rogers.” Bucky shakes Steve’s hand with his left without realizing, but Steve doesn’t look repulsed by the metal.

“Bucky. Um, this is Zeus.” Bucky lays a hand on Zeus’ head and he smiles.

“Welcome back, buddy.” Steve says to Zeus, sitting in the floor across from the dog and welcoming him into his arms. “I’m really glad you got him, I know Morgan was worried about finding a home for him.”

“Were you and Tony close?”

“I wouldn’t say we were the best of friends or anything. But he definitely loved this dog, almost as much as he loved his daughter.” Steve puts his stethoscope into his ears and rubs a hand down Zeus back, listening to his front. “Did you have any concerns?”

“Not necessarily.” Bucky realizes his phone is still out from when he was in a stupor at Steve’s beauty. “I just wanted to get him checked out, I guess. I mean, it’s not like I think Morgan would give me a shitty dog. But, um, medicine.”

Steve gives a small smile to Bucky, pulling his stethoscope back around his neck and letting it fall onto a chest that very tired Bucky would very much like to take a nap on.

“You know, flea and tick medicine. I want to get him on.” He pulls his eyes away from Steve and looks back at Zeus so that, hopefully, his brain will stop fumbling so much.

“That’s not a problem. Up on the table, Zeus.” Steve lifts Zeus up onto the exam table and Bucky stands to stand next to him. Steve dons a pair of gloves and reaches into a drawer behind him and pulls out a sterile wrapped vial and a needle, and Bucky goes to grab Zeus.

“No need, he’s a champ at getting his blood drawn.” Steve expertly rolls Zeus’ arm to expose the vein and quickly inserts the needle, and Zeus doesn’t even seem to notice.

“You must know him very well.” Bucky says, impressed.

Steve smiles, pulling the vial and the needle from Zeus arm, dabbing a gauze square onto it. “Tony was bringing him here since he was six weeks and I was fresh out of vet school. He trusts me, I trust him.”

Bucky rubs behind one of Zeus’ ears and Zeus licks the side of his face. Steve pulls off his gloves and gently inverts the vial of blood in his hand. “We’ll get this spun down, get his heartworm test, and get you out of here.” Steve smiles, then lets himself out of the exam room.

Bucky lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, then sits back down in the chair, rubbing his hands down his thighs.

“Shit.” He realizes Zeus is still on the table and lifts him off the table, placing him back down by Bucky’s feet.

**

Bucky doesn’t see Steve for a few months after that. Zeus doesn’t have any health problems, and he typically just deals with the technician who works the front desk whenever it’s time to pick up preventative medicine. One day, while Bucky is at work, sitting behind the register and reading a new-to-him copy of _Little Fires Everywhere_ , the bell over the door chimes and in walks a familiar, muscular build.

“Hey, stranger.” Steve smiles and walks up to the counter. Bucky slides his bookmark into the book, closing it and putting it to the side before smiling back at Steve. “I was beginning to think you were avoiding me.” Steve leans his forearms on the counter.

“Yep. Zeus is home with a broken leg and I’ve just been waiting it out until you retire.” Bucky says sarcastically. In actuality, he wasn’t actively avoiding Steve. He just wasn’t seeking him out.

“I didn’t know you worked for Clint.”

“Do you just know everyone in this town?”

Steve shrugs his shoulders and gives a small nod, “’s a small town.”

“Well, Doctor Rogers, is there anything I can help you find?”

Steve wrinkles his nose and the corners of his eyes crease, “Please, Buck. Call me Steve.”

Bucky has never liked the sound of his own name, let alone a bastardized version of it, but he’s pretty sure he would answer to anything if it was Steve saying it.

“Steve, is it?”

“It is. ‘Doctor Rogers’ makes me feel old.”

Bucky slides off the stool he’s been sitting on and fills the sleeves of his cardigan ride up, “Oh, you don’t look a day over fifty.”

Steve narrows his eyes but smiles at Bucky, before his eyes fall to Bucky’s prosthetic arm. When Bucky realizes, he quickly pulls the sleeves back down, causing Steve to blush a pretty rose pink.

“Sorry.” Steve says softly.

“Not the first and you won’t be the last.” Bucky walks around the counter towards Steve. “Really, can I help you find anything?”

“I actually just came to pick Clint up for lunch.”

Bucky feels his shoulders droop a little. “Oh, I’ll go get him.”

When Bucky turns to head towards the back of the store, Steve places a gentle hand on his back and lets out a soft “Wait, Bucky.”

Bucky turns back to Steve, leaning back against the counter.

“Honestly, I wasn’t trying to stare. I know.. I know that it can be hard.”

Bucky raises an eyebrow at the perfect man standing in front of him and wonders what on Earth he has to be insecure about.

Steve runs a hand through his hair, pulling it out of the way so that Bucky can see a cochlear implant on the left side of his head. Bucky’s eyes soften and he grins at Steve as he readjusts his hair.

“I’m not totally deaf, just single sided deafness on the left side. And I know it’s totally different, but, you don’t have to be embarrassed or whatever.”

“You think I’m embarrassed?” He is, but he’s offended that Steve picked up on it.

“I think you’re self-conscious.” Steve admits. “And you don’t have to be.”

Bucky has to fight off a scoff. “Well, pretty boy, I don’t think anyone looks at that thing on your head and thinks you’re a monster.”

Steve slides his hands into his pocket. “You think I’m pretty?”

“You know you’re pretty. And you’re just trying to be kind because you got caught gawking.”

Steve sighs, leaning forward towards Bucky who takes a half-step backwards. “You aren't a monster, Buck. Let me make it up to you. Maybe dinner?”

Bucky takes another half-step backwards before turning around and walking back around the counter.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“And why not?” Steve looks partially amused.

“Because, I’m rather boring. And I think that you’d be bored.”

“I don’t think so.” Steve says, leaning back against the counter. “I think two pretty people going to dinner would be far from boring.”

Bucky bites his tongue in his mouth, fighting back a smile. “You think I’m pretty?”

Steve doesn’t hold back a smile at all. He pulls a pen from his shirt pocket and pulls one of the bookstore’s business cards from next to the register. He flips it over, and writes a phone number on the back.

“Here’s my number. Use it if you want to. I think dinner with you would be far from boring. And Buck?” Steve leans in closer so that he can speak softly to Bucky, “I think you're very pretty.”

Bucky lets the smile come through at that, and Steve walks to the back of the shop to find Clint.

On his way home from work, Bucky stops at the local florist. He picks out a bouquet of white roses, pays, and climbs back into the cab of his truck.

When he drives out to the graveyard, it’s just barely 6:00pm and he’s the only one there. He finds the marker soon enough, having visited with Morgan shortly before she returned to California, and lays the roses at the headstone.

He definitely owes Tony Stark, and he can’t write him a thank you letter, but Bucky silently hopes that taking care of his dog and his daughter for the rest of his days will be thanks enough.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm on [twitter](http://twitter.com/acheyb0nes) and [tumblr](http://acheybones.tumblr.com) if you're into that


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